FICTION
	Issue 04, Winter 2008

Anklet

Shome Dasgupta

 

 

 

You stand there by yourself.  I want to be with you, Stranger. Together, we will be alone.  Away.

 

I stood on the banks of the Ganges as it passed through Kolkata.  To my right was a family bathing in the river: the boy and the girl splashed each other and shouted and laughed, and the mother and father wiped themselves with towels.  I took off my shoes and socks, and went into the water where it just came to my ankles.  The sun was mostly down, and a breeze came with the current of the river.  I looked around and couldn't see anyone else--I could only see the river's infinity.  The two children, while chasing each other, ran into me, and I fell over--immersed into the Ganges.  I swallowed some of the water and tasted Kolkata.  I couldn't really explain it.  It was a mixture of dirt and spirituality.  I stood up and coughed, and the parents came over and apologized, making sure that I was okay.  The children laughed and ran away.

“Sorry,” the man said.  “These children know no boundaries."

His skin was as dark as the river, and he was thin--his ribs pushed against the inside of his skin.  He had dark black hair which was partially covered with soap suds, and a thin mustache.  They must live in one of the nearby huts. 

“Are you okay?” the woman asked.

 

Take me away.  I love my brother.  I love his children.  I do not love myself.  Take me away with you.  Your brown eyes.  That scruff on your chin.  I will lick you up.  Together, we will be free.

           

She was beautiful.  She was skinny, but unlike her husband, she had enough skin to hide any sight of her ribs.  Her hair came down to the middle of her back, and her skin color reminded me of the perfect cup of tea and cream I had earlier that day.  I coughed a few more times and nodded my head.

“I’m fine,” I replied. 

“Come,” the man said.  “Dry yourself.  I have a towel.”

I followed the man and the woman to their house which was just set off the river.  It was a small wooden hut--I could see the different sizes and types of wooden boards used to make the door, the house.  It was a one room place.  The floor, or ground, consisted of patches of dirt and wood and brick. The door was kept open to let the breeze pass through.  The lady gave me a towel.  She wrapped a small piece of a maroon cloth around her body.  She looked more beautiful than when she was naked.  The subtle hints of what lay underneath the small cloth, her black eyes, and her long black hair could have easily made her a siren in Homer’s epic poem.  She didn't even have to sing. 

 

Look at me.  Look at me as you do.  I know. You see beauty, but I am just dirt and water.  I am mud everywhere.  Clean me.  Wash me.  Lick me.  I love everyone, but myself.  Take me away.

 

The man wore a white cloth around his hip and a sleeveless white shirt.  He apologized again for the mishap.

“No problem,” I said. 

“Here,” the lady said.  “I’ll help.”

She took the towel from my hands and dried my face, hair, and neck. 

“Please,” she said. “Take your clothes off.  You will become sick.”

 

Strip yourself of everything.  And I will too.  Together we will go away on the Ganges.  Forever and ever we will go.  Can you hear what I am thinking?  Can you see the way I am looking at you?  Dear Stranger, my Nothing.  Hear me, please.  Take me away.  

 

“I’ll be okay." 

“I’ll give you some of Kumar’s clothes,” she said.  “And when your clothes dry, you can change again.”

Kumar went outside and told the children to come in because it was becoming dark.  The woman handed me pants and a white t-shirt. 

“It is similar to what you are wearing now,” she replied.

"What is your name?" I asked.

 

I am yours.  This is my name.  We are each other.

 

"Shiva," she said.

 

Destroy me. Make me crumble.

 

The children laughingly ran into the house followed by Kumar.

“We are eating fish for dinner,” he said.  “Please sit and eat with us.”

“Please,” I said.  “I don't want to be a bother. I'll make my way out now.”

“Please,” Shiva said.  “Eat with us.  We never have company. Have some fish while your clothes dry, and then make your way out.”

 

Stay, please.  You will like my cooking.  I did not know it until now, but I cooked for you.  Taste it. 

Breathe it.  As I want to breathe you.

 

I agreed to their suggestion.  Kumar set the table--a small wooden one with uneven legs. 

“Can I help with anything?” I asked.

“No,” he said.  “No.  Please sit and stay warm.”

I sat on a wobbly wooden chair that had a cushion.  The pillow had patterns of circles, squares, and triangles in reds, greens, and blues. 

“I made that pillow,” Shiva said.

 

Rest your head upon my pillow.

 

"Pretty," I said.

She went to the middle of the room and drew the curtain, which was attached to a clothesline, going from one end of the room to the other--serving as a wall.  I could see her silhouette as she changed her clothes.  I could not help but to imagine her nipples, trying hard to burn holes through the curtain with my eyes. 

 

Are you watching me?  A naked ghost, waiting to moan.

 

When she came out she wore a long white gown which was transparent enough to see the brown of her body.  I wanted to kiss her.  I went outside and smoked a cigarette, and by the time I was finished, the fish was ready.

“Let us eat,” Kumar said.

He put the fish on a large plate.  Shiva put a bowl of rice and a bowl of vegetables on the table.

“It is not much,” she said.

“It's more than enough,” I replied.

The children sat around the table, and I squeezed in at one of the corners.  

“So how long have you all been living here?” I asked.

 

I have never lived here.  Not now.  Not before.  Not after. 

I am always gone.

 

“All our lives,” Kumar said.  “After the death of our parents, we took over the house. It has come a long way, but still needs more work.”

“Your parents?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.  “Shiva and I are siblings.  I, three years older.”

I speedily ate my food.

“I will leave you my contact information,” I said.  “Call me and I will be happy to help you out.”

 

Help.

 

“I am sorry,” Kumar said.  “I cannot accept the offer for I do not have the money to pay for such services.”

“Please,” I said.  “At no cost.  Or this wonderful dinner will be my pay.”

They were excited by my response and immediately offered me more food, and I graciously accepted it.  As we talked, I found out more information about them: Kumar was a fisherman and Shiva took care of the house and sometimes helped out with her brother’s work.  They didn't have enough money to provide schooling for the children, but the sister made an effort to teach them the basics.

“It is enough for them to survive,” she said.

 

I want to survive with you.  Teach me.  Free me. I love them. 

I love them all.  But the door is too small.  The river, too big.

 

I told them some general information about myself--that I lived in America and was visiting my relatives in Kolkata.  They told me more about themselves.

The children didn't belong to the brother or the sister, but to another brother who couldn't be found.  They weren't sure if he was dead, but they hadn't heard from him in three years.  The siblings, collectively, decided to take care of the children, and neither of them had been married before.  As we ate our dinner, my attraction to Shiva increased.  She had a human quality that I could not describe--a certain gentleness.  Perhaps I found something spiritual in her. 

 

I read your mind, Stranger, Friend.  Do it. And when it is all done, I will be gone.

 

The evening breeze that I had felt while standing in the Ganges must have been a sign of a storm coming.  As we finished dinner, I heard thunder and saw flashes of lightening through the window.  The black sky was framed with bright bolts; surrounded with crashing sounds.  The rain poured hard.  The children weren't scared; however, my emotions were quite the opposite.

            “I should go before it gets any worse,” I said.

 

Not yet.  It is not the time.  Not now.  But soon.

 

“No,” Kumar said.  “You must not in this weather.  Please stay.  The storm should be here for a while, and then who knows what will happen to the electricity and then the traffic will be horrible.”

“I should not impose,” I said.  “I’ll be okay.”

“Please,” Shiva said.

I agreed to stay.

“I am sorry but I cannot be much company,” Kumar said.  “I must be up early in the morning for work.  This rain will bring in plenty of fish for me to gather.  Please excuse me while I go to bed.”

I gave him my contact information in case he wanted my help with the house while I was in Kolkata.  I looked around the room and saw that there wasn't a telephone anywhere.  The man told the children that it was their bed time, and they gave me a hug, like I had been a part of the family for years, and went to bed.  Everyone, but Shiva and I, went to the other side of the curtain. 

“What do you plan to do for the rest of the night?” I asked.

 

You will feel.  Me.  Keep your eyes closed, and you will see me.

 

“I must get up early as well,” she said.  “Please make yourself comfortable for the night.”

From a stack of cloths kept on the floor, she pulled out a blanket and a thin pillow.

 

Thunderous.

 

“Thank you,” I said.  “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she said.  “I probably will not see you in the morning, but I will leave some food on the table for breakfast.  Please eat some.”

“Thank you,” I said.

 

Thank you for everything.  This will be my last everything.

 

I noticed the anklet around her right ankle.  It was red and had tiny white beads jingling around it.  She told me goodnight again, and as she went to the other side of the curtain, I realized that I didn't want the night to be over.  I lay on the mat and waited for the lightening flashes to appear through the window.  

As my eyes drooped and as I turned to my side to sleep, I heard a slight jingling.  The sound became louder and louder until it finally stopped.  I felt a touch on my shoulder.  I turned around and lay flat on my back.  She bent down and then she saddled me.  She never said a word, nor did I, as I was lost in a dreamlike state.  She kissed my lips.  She kissed me repeatedly as she ran her hands through my hair.  My hands clenched her sides.

“Take me,” she whispered.  "I am already gone."

She stood up and walked away.  The jingling of her anklet faded as quickly as it had increased a few minutes ago.  I was left with the clash of electrical particles sounding outside.

I heard the birds chirp, and I felt the heat of the sunrise against my eyelids, but I continued to sleep.  I heard a scream, but I still kept my eyes shut.  After a second scream, I woke up.  I stood up and looked around the house--empty.  When I walked outside, I saw the children playing in the river, and I heard another scream.  No one else was around.  I walked around to the back of the house, where I saw Kumar--he was on his knees, facing a tree, with his hands raised to the sky.  He wailed, and I ran to him to see if he was hurt. 

Her body was dangling from one of the branches.   I heard the jingling sound.  She used the gossamer gown she wore last night as the noose--her body was bare except for the anklet she wore and it clinked as the wind blew.  Kumar didn't look at me, but continued to cry--I knelt beside him and tried to comfort him, but his delirium kept me away. 

She had her hair up like she didn't want it to get in the way of hanging herself.  Her toenails and fingernails were painted red, and the small muscles in her stomach were showing.  I saw that a piece of paper was nailed to the body of the tree.  I ripped it off:

 

Now I can become a dream.

           

I knelt down on the roots of the tree and gazed at the swaying body.  She was a lifeless beauty.  Her anklet jingled, and I began to cry.